Wedged somewhere between the shifting political sands of Europe and the verbosity of the American campaign, the Australian Federal election writhes and struggles for oxygen.
In the blue corner, the supposed communicative wizardry of Malcolm Turnbull, hoping to legitimately win the office of Prime Minister for the first time. In the red corner, ‘friend of the cleaner‘ Bill Shorten, career unionist and loyal to the point of televised ignorance, but only to whichever Prime Minister he happened to be supporting that week.
Don’t get me wrong, I’m sure the great clashing of ideas, the struggle for power over the hearts and minds of the population, I’m sure it just takes a little time to warm up. Right?
The longest campaign since the 60’s, with an electorate arguably less engaged than the daisy draped hippies at the time, marching on riot squads through a swirling haze of bong smoke.
Nonetheless, it’s a marathon not a sprint, so someone please let us know when those allegedly ‘running’ get up and start stretching.
Taking it Easy
On a solemn day providing closure for many, some of Australia’s finest and bravest returned home. A chance for a young nation to reflect, to remember, and to mourn. A symbolic day and in a political sense, a very important one. So one wonders why the Governor General signed the guest book, yet the P.M. didn’t?
Well, it’s because he had another event to attend to.
Although I’m convinced the mattress factory Turnbull toured had important business to deal with, surely the appalling, never ending, awkward little factory floor walks by politicians donning vests could’ve been put off, just for one day? Electioneering is tough and scrutiny is high. The lesson here is; Don’t lie down on the job.
Well That’s Just Super
Just hang on for a moment, would you? I don’t quite understand the superannuation policy. I mean, I’m just trying to give you the correct information. This is the super rate. It just has to be fair. That’s all we want. It should be fair and progressive and take from the rich and give to the poor. Sorry?, what?
It’s not Easy Being Green
So just how does a party made of Neo-Marxists, friends of the forest and borderless utopians stay relevant, in a time when the Western world begins lurching to the political right? Current trends suggest sticking to generous migration platforms isn’t going to attract votes, this time.
But there are alot of folks out there who feel let down by both the blue and red ‘teams’. If only they could discover another way? Another option? Perhaps a clever metaphor will assist people in making an informed decision?
Enter; Richard Di Natale.
Using a receptive platform provided by taxpayers on Q&A, Di Natale mused the possibility of the Greens holding government, one day, before referring to the Labor/Coalition duopoly as; the “Coles and Woolies of politics”. Well now, everyone can understand the system when it’s explained like that.
The audience can now feel empowered to support the ‘other’ establishment. Down the lane and to the left, the little organic fruit shop-slash-cafe, which triples as a midnight theatre for amateur poetry readings. Frequented on the most part by students, ‘artists’ and some well off baby-boomers suffering LSD flashbacks. Coles and Woolies have several shortcomings, although they do at least pay their workers minimum wage.
‘Hansonism’ is on the march once again. However fear not, gentle citizen! For the media may attempt to whip you into a frothy mess, fearing race fuelled backlash, our brave politicians exist to defend your ‘safe space’. Providing fine examples of how voters should behave in a progressive and tolerant society.
Speaking on behalf of the Turnbull Coalition Team, The Prime Minister decided to render future negotiations in the event of a Hanson election, decidedly more difficult for himself. Retracting the invitation to become involved in the democratic process before it began, by stating;
“She is, as far as we are concerned, not a welcome presence in the, on the, Australian political scene.”
Lucky the voters have such a wise and compassionate leader, to inform them of which candidates are ‘inappropriate’ to vote for.
Not to be outdone, looking to maintain a solid record of demanding inane apologies, the ALP took the opportunity.
Labor MP Terri Butler even managed to blame Malcolm Turnbull, for the people voting in someone who hasn’t been elected yet. Claiming he owed the Australian public an apology for;
“backing a racist and bigot into the Senate”.
Perhaps comrades Turnbull and Butler would prefer if Hanson were returned to the gulags? Pesky stuff this ‘democracy’ business. We can’t have people making decisions for themselves. They might do something we don’t like, which would be most inconvenient.
However the wowsers, politicians and media pundits are obviously dealing with this in the right way. The name calling and derision has certainly worked wonders in stopping Donald Trump, it’s sure to work a treat here too.